When the time comes for a travel company to produce its web copy, most businesses rely on simply uploading their brochure text – after all, if you’ve already paid good money for one set of copy, it is best to use it as much as you can! But people do not read and use websites in the same way that they read brochures, and if a web page isn’t written in just the right way, it can seriously affect your ability to convert passing visitors into paying customers.
This month’s copy conversion, uses Naturetrek as an example. They are a wildlife holiday specialist, and this is their current South Africa page…
Before
Our verdict? Not bad, but it could do better. South Africa is a very exciting destination, and Naturetrek have plenty of excellent holidays and tours here, but something in the text isn’t quite right – it isn’t selling as well as it could. We’ve put our money where our mouth is and rewritten the page the way that we would like to do it. We aren’t interested in changing the graphics, but have a read of the text below and see if you can spot the improvements…
After
The Republic of South Africa lies at the southern-most tip of the African continent, flanked to the west by the Atlantic Ocean and to the south and east by the Indian Ocean. Renowned for years as the foremost safari destination in the world, wildlife holidays to South Africa are perfect for nature lovers. From Big Game safaris in Kruger National Park to Floral Tours of the famous “Garden Route”, this astonishingly diverse country has something to offer everyone, with mountain ranges, fertile valleys, arid plains and the beautiful African coastline all available for exploration with Naturetrek.
South African Wildlife Holiday Highlights
• Kruger National Park – The largest game reserve in South Africa, Kruger National Park is filled with Big Game animals and amazing vistas. We offer a number of specialist safaris here, including bird watching tours and our Just Cats tour, focusing on the park’s big cat population.
Our Tours to South Africa
Naturetrek are the experts in wildlife holidays and safaris to South Africa. All our tours are lead by expert guides, and we have put together a range of exciting itineraries across the whole country. Whether you want to spot big cats on the plains or learn more about the rare flora and fauna up in the mountains, we’ll have the perfect holiday for you.
Fill in our enquiry form or call us today on 01926 733051 to discuss any of our varied and fascinating wildlife holidays in South Africa.
Hopefully you’ll notice the difference, at least in length! But not only have we expanded the content of the page, we’ve also made some crucial changes to the way it is written and presented. Here are the important web writing principles that we put into practice to spruce the page up:
Describe the Holiday, not the Place
The original text focuses almost exclusively on describing South Africa as a country, rather than emphasising why it is such a good place to visit on a wildlife holiday, or why Naturetrek are just the right people to go with. The new text puts the company firmly to the fore – the focus is on Naturetrek’s holidays to South Africa, rather than just a description of the country, with the expanded emphasis on the holiday highlights and the specific tours that Naturetrek offer.
Use Subheadings and Bullet Points
Large blocks of text are unfriendly for internet users to read, and give no quick and clear indication of what the page is about. On the new page, the subheadings accurately summarise the content – at a glance, a reader can see what it is about and how the information is broken down. The bullet points serve much the same function, presenting key information in an easy to read fashion. Often, a search engine will send a visitor straight to a page like this one rather than directing them to your homepage – it is important to what you can to help them immediately understand what the page is about.
Use Enticing Language
The original text describes the country but doesn’t really sell it. The new text is filled with juicy descriptions, emphasising just what an amazing place South Africa is to visit, the variety of scenery and wildlife that can be seen there, and Naturetrek’s level of expertise as a holiday company.
Make it Key Phrase Rich
The old text does not use key phrases such as “wildlife holidays to South Africa” throughout the text, making it hard for a search engine to determine what the page is about. The new text uses key phrases (such as “wildlife holidays to South Africa”, “tours to South Africa”, and “safaris to South Africa”) throughout, telling both users and search engines exactly what the subject of the page is.
When you come to rewriting your content for the web, you don’t need to throw out all the hard work from your brochure but you will need to remember that internet users read things differently. Optimise both for people and for search engines (and don’t forget to allow your salesman a free reign!) and you’ll see a boost to your traffic, conversions and profits.
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Improving the Copy of... Naturetrek 
